I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
