Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
