I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
