well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
