Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
