Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
