How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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