New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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