Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
