omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
