So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
