I intend to get homeless drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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