Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
