***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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