Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
