If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I'm really busy with my period
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