the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
