I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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