you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Couch. On fire.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
