...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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