I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
