My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
try to milk me bitch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
