WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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