it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
