hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who did Billy Mays play for?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
