i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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