im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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