Me too!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
