addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
