Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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