I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
