Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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