Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
