Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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