I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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