Already got asked if we're dating
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
