How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
