Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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