She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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