Someone shattered a urinal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
