You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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