when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
