Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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