A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
