I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
