im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
