My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
