HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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