standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
