I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
