Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
