so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
