Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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