i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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