I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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